I stopped adding ‘more’ to my life. Here’s how I get more happiness: by ruthlessly cutting out the junk.
If there’s one reason my life is richer, calmer, and more productive than ever, it’s this: I stopped doing things that drain me, annoy me, or just don’t serve any real purpose. Many people chase happiness by cramming more onto their to-do list. I do the opposite. I got intentional about what not to do.
This idea isn’t new, but it hit home for me when I saw Greg Isenberg share his “things I’m not doing anymore” list. It was so simple, so obvious, and yet so rare. So I started my own. Every month, I review it, update it, and hold myself accountable. My not-to-do list is my blueprint for a happier, saner, more meaningful life.
Why a Not-To-Do List Matters (And How I Build Mine)
For most of my career, I bought into the lie that doing more equals living better. More goals, more hustle, more obligations. All it got me was a busier calendar and a mind that never shut off. Eventually, I realized that real productivity and happiness come from doing less – less of what drains me, distracts me, or keeps me stuck.
That’s why I started my not-to-do list. Every month, I sit down and review it. My criteria are simple, and I don’t make exceptions:
- If it drains my energy, it’s out.
- If it creates stress for no good reason, it’s off the table.
- If I’m only doing it to serve my ego, not my real life, it gets axed.
- If it doesn’t move the needle on my happiness, fulfillment, or impact, it’s gone.
- If I’m doing it out of guilt, habit, or “because I always have,” I scratch it.
- If it makes my life smaller or more resentful, it’s history.
This isn’t about running from challenges or hiding from reality. It’s about intentionally making space for the people, projects, and experiences that add real value and joy to my life.
What’s On My Not-To-Do List Right Now
Here’s where things get real. This list isn’t theory – it’s the choices I actually make, month after month, to protect my energy and design a life that works for me:
- I don’t schmooze with random strangers at networking events. I never enjoyed it and I’ve stopped pretending it’s valuable. If a connection matters, I rely on personal introductions from people who know me and who I respect, not roomfuls of business cards.
- I don’t prioritize work over workouts. My health is non-negotiable. If the calendar gets tight, the gym wins. Everything and everyone is just going to have to wait.
- I don’t defer trips until “things settle down.” Life never really slows down and there’s never the perfect moment. If I want to go, I book it.
- I don’t fly long-haul red-eyes in economy anymore. One day lost to feeling like shit isn’t worth it. I value my health and my time too much.
- I don’t connect with random strangers on LinkedIn anymore. If there isn’t a clear, mutual, long-term benefit, I don’t hit accept. I just got rid of 80% of my LinkedIn connections and am not about to start collecting random faces or meaningless digital acquaintances again. My network is now intentional, curated, and valuable – quality over quantity, every single time.
- I don’t let guilt or pressure force me to respond to calls or emails immediately. I’ll get to it when I’m good and ready. My time, my rules.
- I don’t ignore health issues or procrastinate on self-care. I’m proactive, even if it means paying out of pocket for scans, tests, or treatments. Health before wealth.
Some of these might sound blunt or even ruthless. That’s the point. Every “no” on this list creates space for a bigger, better “yes.”
The Results – What Actually Changed When I Started Saying No
This isn’t theory or wishful thinking. The moment I started enforcing my not-to-do list, everything shifted. It’s all part of my Life by Design approach.
- More time and energy: I don’t waste hours on small talk, inbox ping-pong, or soul-sucking obligations. That space is now filled with the stuff that actually moves my life forward – workouts, trips, meaningful work, actual downtime.
- More clarity: By stripping away the noise, it’s obvious what (and who) is worth my attention. Decision-making is faster and less emotional.
- Less stress: Fewer pointless commitments means fewer drains on my mental bandwidth. I don’t let FOMO, guilt, or other people’s priorities run my day.
- Stronger relationships: With a curated network and more intentional connections, every conversation is higher-value, more enjoyable, and far less transactional.
- Better health: By refusing to put work, travel, or social obligations ahead of my well-being, I’m in the (almost, but not just yet) best shape of my life – mentally and physically.
- Real freedom: Saying “no” by default gives me the space to say “hell yes” to the right opportunities, people, and experiences.
The best part? None of this required superhuman discipline. Just the guts to put my happiness and priorities first.
Your Turn – Build Your Own Not-To-Do List
If you’re tired of feeling busy but unfulfilled, maybe it’s time to try subtraction instead of addition. Start by creating your own ‘not-to-do’ list. Write down every obligation, habit, or “should” that drains you, bores you, or keeps you stuck. Audit it ruthlessly. Then start by simply saying ‘no, thank you’, or just by quietly letting things go.
You’ll be surprised how quickly clarity and freedom show up when you stop doing what no longer serves you. Remember: every “no” is just space for a better “yes.” It’s your life – design it accordingly.
